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E-Marketing Performance Blog

The Hippocritic Oath

When I first graduated from college I, like everyone else, had to start at the bottom. Consequently, I worked as a medical proofreader. It gets worse. Every day I had to poor over reviews for Workman’s Comp cases. Oh joy.

Did I mention I love my job?

Anyway back to the point, it was extremely boring, as you can imagine, and I had to find inventive ways to keep myself from going postal. Once in awhile something funny would come across my desk. Usually an outstanding error in spelling or a typo, but it gives a whole new meaning to: Prepped and raped in a sterile fashion.

Here is a list of some of the best typos I found during my stint in the world of Workman’s Comp:

“The request is for a walk in the bathtub.” In reality the request was a walk-in bathtub for a disabled patient.

“The patient takes three kittens, four times daily.” Kittens = Vicodin, very different.

“The patient suffers pain from repetitive streaking.” Wow!

“The patient was injured while driving and pushing the clutch with his left knee” Huh?

“…the patient underwent removal of the left forearm.” No, not really, the doctor was to remove hardware from the left forearm. Can anyone say malpractice?

“It lifted a desk and injured…” Was it a dog or did that guy from Silence of the Lambs write this. “It puts the lotion in the basket.”

“Doctor ______ is apparently a spinal surgeon.” Well is he or not! I wouldn’t want this doctor to come within ten feet of my spine, thank you very much.

“Surgical interventions should be avoided like the plague.” Yeah.

“herniatoon” Hmm, a cartoon that causes gut busting laughter! Did I get it?

“Ms. _______ suffered a contusion after a fall from work.” Damn unemployment!

“…and the name of the physician signing this document is eligible.” And the price is right, folks!

Max Speed

If the Pole Position Marketing team had a muse—and it does—it would be Max Speed. We love Max’s occasionally off-color, usually amusing and always pointed “Maxisms.” (Maybe “Maxims” would be a better word.) Max gives voice to some of the things we think but, bound by professional decorum, aren’t permitted to say. At least, not out loud.

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